Quest (cont.)

4 May 2009 Wastwater (from my journal):

Even thinking about my usual way of thinking about my life is boring. There are things I want to do.

1. Write workable novels regularly. The Claire Rowan Wallace novels will do nicely. This is broken down into smaller parts – like learn how to write every day, or at the very least every other day.
2, I want to make a decent living as a psychologist.
3. I want to get in passable physical condition and be more active.
4. Add family and it becomes the same list as usual.

Making the same list of the same four big goals over and over doesn’t really accomplish anything.

Friday 8 May 2009 Grasmere (from my journal)

My basic wish is to write some great plan which will give me control over and transform my life. But what I do is try to keep up with my life by journal or blog after it happens. As it happens. No, after.

Maybe my quest should be “On Keeping Up With My Life.” Because sometimes it feels like the way I manage my life (as opposed to the way I imagine I run it) is by setting things in motion and then hanging on as best I can. Yet I always feel that if only I could get a good system, I’d have control over it all.

Now I’m suspecting there is a mistake – a meta-mistake – in that assumption, and hanging on for dear life is as good as it gets.