2 May 2009 Rowardennan (from my journal)
It is interesting to feel myself seen. I don’t like it – it makes me uncomfortable. I’ve chosen work where I’m the see-er, not the seen – in fact the rules explicitly mitigate against being seen – and I like the one-way intimacy inherent in my job.
Most of the group stuff in this program allows me my anonymity still – there is no one more invisible than a middle-aged white woman – unless it is a middle-aged brown woman, I suppose – but because we are so living on top of each other, being seen is inevitable at times. I think that people project their own mom/ grandma/ older woman thing onto me, whatever it happens to be. Sometimes it’s painful when it intersects my own issues.
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