I'm susceptible to polarized thinking. I would like things to be right or wrong, black or white, with no shades of gray. This cognitive habit is a characteristic of very young human beings. We need to know who are the good guys and the bad guys, and subtleties make us anxious. As I've grown older, I've become more comfortable with complexity. People are a mixed bag, as are institutions, events, and life in general--sometimes good and sometimes bad--and what's "good" or "bad" may change over time and according to circumstance.
God and Church are where I still slide into the temptation of polarized thinking. I want them to be perfectly good (and note how I conflate God and Church). Over the years I've become more forgiving of silliness, ignorance, and venal sins among church members, aware as I am of my own silliness, ignorance, and venality. I have more of a problem with things that seem mistaken or even harmful on an official, institutional, or doctrinal level. I admit the "seem"--my perception of good and evil is not infallible. I'm working on humility, despite the evidence of twelve "I's" in this post so far. Now thirteen.
My current problem with polarized thinking, however, is with the insistence by some believing persons (official or not) that "if the Book of Mormon story is true, then the Church is true: if the Book of Mormon is not true, then Joseph Smith was a charlatan and the whole thing is a fraud." And similar statements hinging one's membership on black or white tests of belief.
People who say this think they know what the outcome of such a yes-or-no choice will be. But what if it isn't? I've known enough people--people I care about, people I didn't want to leave the church--examine that question and decide "no." I don't want only two choices here. What if there are shades of gray even re: the Book of Mormon? If "shades of gray" must equal "black," then sorry, I'm out.
Tena asks me, when I get to the point where it seems like I'm at a fork in the road with no middle way, what it is I want. I don't want to leave. Right now that has to be enough.
2 comments:
I have been pondering black and white thinking lately and I appreciate this post. What I always discover about myself is that when I only see two paths to take or two doors to open, this is when I am most depressed. I am unable to see the myriad of other colors available to me. I am not talking about all the shades of grey, because that is what they are. mixed up shades of beliefs that have been invented or passed along to help comfort me.
I want to stay on the razor's edge. Where everything has it's opposite. I know you say this is a characteristic of young beings. Maybe I am being childlike, or maybe it is the scientist in me.
What I have decided is that not only can I see black and white, I can also see the rainbow which I was so often taught to ignore.
Shades of grey is still polarized thinking, perhaps a more grownup, perverted version of it.
love and empathy
brett
You point up the problems with the metaphor. I must say I prefer your rainbow metaphor. And living in the dynamic tension between opposites is much more appealing than resigning oneself to shades of gray.
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