Friday, October 24, 2008
Off the Hook
I unwrapped the Trib this morning and saw this headline--Church: Utah Mormons will no longer aid Prop 8. I had wondered how having Utahns donate money and call voters in California could possibly be anything but a PR disaster, but I also understand how some might see it as the price we pay for righteousness. I hate feeling like my conscience and ethical standards put me on the wrong side of the battle. I don't mind fighting for the right--truly--but I have to believe in what I'm fighting for. I have felt sick that the transcendent issue which causes us to break with The World and go our own way ends up being over something so hurtful and wrong. I'm not the only Mormon to feel this way. I think the damage is done, and it feels to me like it's been over a mess of pottage.
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The church's push on this issue is moving me from a tolerant to an antagonistic position on the institution. The institution is comprised of its members. If the bulk of the membership not only sees nothing wrong with the leadership's position, but finds it worthy of active support, then I am forced to conclude that the bulk of the membership holds a dark and hateful tenet as a core value. This is bigotry, plain and simple. I understand that religion and human relationships are complex, but I don't know why anyone would choose to be part of a project that endorses bigotry.
But I am a Mormon, I love the traditions and the culture and the beliefs and the people--even as I am impatient or exasperated with them. It's not something that I can just walk away from, or that I want to walk away from. It's my church, dang it, my culture, my tradition. I own it, in some way, by the blood of my foremothers. I'm responsible. But figuring out how to be effectively responsible when I disagree so strongly about something IS very difficult. It's way easier to slide back into passive resignation, and do nothing but complain to like-minded friends. But as Tena asks me, every once in a while, when I gripe too much, "Well, what do you want? Do you want to leave? Do what you want." And I have to say, no I don't want to leave. But I want something to be different. How to "be the change you want to see" is the question.
I suppose a parallel would be to the US government's actions in Iraq (or Vietnam, or wherever). I oppose them, but I partially support them through my tax dollars. It is infuriating, but my options are limited to leaving the country and renouncing my citizenship or disobeying the law. I think even IOZ, for all his protestations and exhortations, pays his taxes. So I guess it's similar, and I have to take some responsibility for the actions of my government even though I disagree with them. But maybe the difference is that I can vocally challenge the government and look for opportunities to change the policies.
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