My blood glucose has been creeping up lately, and so I'm tracking health and fitness again. I do pretty well with the exercise, meds, drinking water, not at all well with sleep and relaxation, and I have to be sooo careful with eating, because of my compulsiveness.
Dieting is probably the most prescribed, ineffective, and harmful intervention ever in the history of medicine and physical health. Many dieters lose weight over the short term; most gain it back and more. Repeated dieting with weight loss and weight regain totally messes with your metabolism. And something like 2% of dieters keep off the weight they've lost for more than five years. What other industry is based on something which yields such poor results? The interaction in dieting of biology (which says when food is restricted--"whoa, we're in famine, I better shut down my metabolism to survive") and psychology (where food is connected to self-care, nurturing, safety, etc.) creates a veritable perfect storm of FAIL.
But, the blood glucose is creeping upward, despite an hour per day of exercise which makes me able to walk without pain, keeps my blood pressure at a manageable level, and makes me feel normal. I don't want to take meds yet, because that starts a whole other balancing act. I have lost weight before--about 20 lbs at a time--sometimes by cutting out fat and sometimes unintentionally by being in a different situation (walking more while traveling, no extra food available, an emotional crisis--although usually of course that's when I gain).
My main trouble is that I have an anxious and compulsive personality, and complex carbohydrates are both a great way to avoid work that is difficult or that I'm anxious about, and a sedative which makes me then able to get back to the work. A perfect self-perpetuating reinforcement circle. Like this: impending work (usually writing of some sort) --> anxiety relating to the work --> avoid (negative reinforcement [r-] of the avoidant behavior) while getting a carbohydrate snack (positive reinforcement [r+] of the avoidant behavior) (which because of its sedating effect is also negative reinforcement [r-] of the avoidant behavior because it decreases the felt anxiety) --> so that now, less anxious, I can go back to work and complete the task successfully (positive reinforcement [r+] of doing my work and staying in the cycle) --> until I have a new task, new day of work, which then elicits anxiety --> and so forth.
When I was younger, in bad jobs, getting through grad school, doing some really hard stuff, maybe I absolutely had to have this coping mechanism. Now, not so much. I love my work, I love my life, I'm just in the habit of being anxious. The anxiety from my regular life is perfectly manageable. But I know that if I start restricting my eating, all kinds of other psychological issues will kick in--"we're going to starve! nobody loves us! we hate you! you don't care if we die from starvation, so we'll show you--we'll die of overeating, and we don't care either!" Rationality does not live in that world.
But the blood glucose is inching upwards. Restricting backfires--always has. I gain weight when I restrict. Writing down what I eat backfires. Counting calories backfires. It doesn't work--maybe it does for some, but I'm one of the 98 out of 100 that it doesn't work for.
So instead I'm going for the gentle approach--a little nudging toward the vegetables, planning ahead and anticipating meals, allowing for a sweet when I want one, making sure I always get my 3-4 carb units per meal (but not more).
On my desktop I have an XL file with the following list:
Sleep (3 points): to bed by 10:30, up at 6:00, nap
Measurements (1 point): weight, blood pressure, blood glucose
Meds (1 point)
Water 8C (1 point)
Exercise (3-4 points): bike, back/stretch, weights, swim or walk
Relax/meditation (1 point)
Eating (3 points, 1/meal): 3-4 carb units [15 grams] (2 grain and/or starchy veg, 1 fruit, 1 dairy)/meal, 1 protein unit/meal, 5+ veg per day, 1 small sweet/day <--> fruit or carb unit.
That's it. I think about the food as I'm planning the meal--I don't write it down or anything, I just give myself a point if I was mindful and did it. My perfect goal would be to lose 1 lb per month, just so I know I'm losing, not gaining. If I do everything on the list I get 14 points MWF, 13 points T Th, 11 points on the weekend. I'm already doing most of the list--things I have to work on are getting to bed, taking a 20-30 minute nap (yay!), walking 2-3/week in the evening, and doing daily relaxation/meditation (mostly because I'm seeing a lot of anxiety clients now, and I need to remember how it works).
And just a little nudge with the eating. I plan to enjoy eating--recipes, cooking, eating out, salads, fish, pasta, breads, desserts.
That's all. I'll report later.
*Definitely skip this post if you think it looks boring--because it IS.
4 comments:
I have been reading a book called Thin for Life by Anne Fletcher that you might want to look into. It looks at what has been learned from people who have successfully lost weight and kept it off long term. The number of people who have done it is suprisingly high, and most of them have yo-yo dieted before. You can do it too. Good luck meeting your goals!
i suppose this is not a good time for me to say we should go to lunch again. although i was thinking it before i read your post
My goal is not actually to lose weight, but to develop sustainable health habits. I weigh myself to make sure I'm not gaining weight due to my usual compulsive paradox, which is that if I try to lose weight I overeat (eventually) even more.
"My goal is not to actually lose weight, but to develop sustainable health habits." --Yes. "The more of the details of our daily life we can hand over to the effortless custody of automatism, the more our higher powers of mind will be set free for their own proper work. There is no more miserable human being than one in whom nothing is habitual but indecision, and for the whom the lighting of ever cigar, the drinking of every cup, the time of rising and going to bed every day, and the beginning of every bit of work, are subjects of express volitional deliberation. Full of the time of a such a man goes to the deciding, or regretting, of matters which ought to be so ingrained in him as practically not to exist for his consciousness at all. If there be such daily duties not yet ingrained in any one of my readers, let him begin this very hour to set the matter right." --Wm. James, Psychology: Briefer Course This very hour! After I check the Drudge Report and just glance into, just peek into, my new dictionary of modern slang. Did you hear, Lord Muck for all his lovely jubbly went and got himself a manky pants rabbit.
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